A Man’s Endorsement for Conscious Dating

by Dana Boyle on June 3, 2011

I am a fan of eHarmony.  I will be for life.  After all, they are the dating service that served me up my husband on a silver platter after taking our respective psychological quizzes, personality tests, temperament tests, deal-breakers, must-haves and quirks and matching us on however many levels of compatibility on June 17, 2007.  So it comes as no surprise that I am a fan of the Op Ed article by Bill Frezza, a high powered Wall Street venture capitalist and writer, endorsing eHarmony as a way to meet the woman of your dreams in 6 weeks.

I am a relationship coach.  I help people get clear about what they want in a mate so that they can attract the kind of person they long for.  Before I do that, I help them get clear about what they offer in the dating world.  I constantly tell my clients that if they want to win the love lottery, they have to create rules of their own dating game.  Bill Frezza did exactly that when he decided he wanted to find a life-mate for the second time around after his divorce from a 27 year marriage.

Knowing who you are and knowing what you want is essential to finding a good match. If you haven’t figured that out yet go work on it. I was 55 before all the pieces fell into place.

He’s right.  Whether you use eHarmony, another dating site, or any other method of attracting your next date and ultimately your mate, this is key.  You have to really know what you want and what you’ve got to offer.  Clarity unlocks the door.  He’s also right that you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself if you aren’t there yet.  You will find your ideal mate when you’re ready, and you’ll be an even better partner to them for the work you’ll do to get there.  They’ll appreciate your clarity about yourself and what you want when they meet you.  They’ll recognize it.  They’ll be clear too.

It felt like I busted open a piñata full of pearls.

I love this excerpt from his article!  I felt that way, too.  There are tons of wonderful matches on eHarmony, or there were for me.  However, just like any other dating experience, there were guys I communicated with and went out with who didn’t click one way or the other.  The fit isn’t going to be right with everyone.  It does feel liberating to realize that there are oodles of matches out there just for you.  Even if there aren’t a ton of matches for you, every time you say yes you get to experience new things and get clearer about what you want, which will bring you closer to the love of your life.  Every day, eHarmony delivered half dozen or more matches to my inbox and I reviewed their about me pages looking for the right fit, the right eyes, the right smile.  I knew the eyes (David’s) as soon as I saw them…but it’s different for everyone.

I praise Bill for wholeheartedly embracing the dating process.  He was on a mission and his process looks a lot like mine did.  He decided he wasn’t going to remain single.  He got clear about who he was and what he wanted in a mate.  He made some ground-rules for dating, and he put himself out there.  That, my friends, is a recipe for success in the dating world.  There is someone for everyone.  With this approach, you are sure to find them.  I followed much the same process and I am happily married to the man of my dreams after just a few months on eHarmony.  My approach included several other dating avenues, but it was ultimately eHarmony that delivered the right match.  Turns out, my husband was applying the same or a similar approach after he decided he wasn’t going to be single, too.

I was back in the gym for my first junior high school dance.

I especially love this line because it explains to me the lag in initiation when my husband says he knew I was the one right away, too, and why I also hesitated to initiate contact thinking it was the man’s job to do it.  We’re all teenagers in a gym avoiding rejection, aren’t we?

I am a dating coach.  I walk my clients through the proven process I developed for myself used to attract my husband because it worked for me and has worked for many people I’ve shared it with.  While you may think all the good ones are taken or all that’s out there are jerks, it only takes meeting that one good one who isn’t taken.  I can help you if if you’ve decided you are not going to be single anymore and you want to change your dating game.  Stay tuned, because I’m rolling out my Winning the Love Lottery Course for the end of summer, 2011.


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