No Tears In Appreciation

by Dana Boyle on September 28, 2012

If you’ve followed me long enough, you know I’m a believer in and a practitioner of the law of attraction.  It seems kind of silly to me to say that, though, because we all practice law of attraction all day long every day, whether we believe it or not.  What you focus on you get more of.  It just is.  Don’t believe me?  Experiment with it for 30 or 90  days and see for yourself.

Someone shared with me a recording of Abe-Hicks (you can google and find out who that is and you can find the original recording by googling “Abe Hicks vortex pregnant with desire”) on our vortex being pregnant with our desire in response to my request for outsourced co-creation of a pregnancy and baby in our lives.  (Meaning, I asked for help from other LOA believing folks, just like prayers and good thoughts.)

In the recording, Abe talked to a woman who gave a prelude to her tearfully joyful news that she was four months pregnant, finally, by explaining how difficult and what a big struggle it was to conceive and stay pregnant.  She spoke of how grateful she was to finally be pregnant after trying for 3 or 4 years.  Abe said and I’m paraphrasing below:

In gratitude, we are standing in where we have come from.  It’s based from a point of resistance.  (You’ve been through hell and it’s sweet relief.)  In appreciation, there is no resistance. It’s pure flow.  Tears are a release of resistance.  There is nothing more important than releasing resistance.  In appreciation, there are no tears.

Abe explained that when you’ve been through what she’d been through, you become part of a “struggling group” and you shine by sharing how you’ve struggled and persevered through your adversities.  It’s entertaining for yourself and others.  And it makes those who would otherwise be made uncomfortable with your eventual success because they are members of the group celebrate with you and be ok with your success, even though they haven’t yet achieved it.  But it slows you way down…it makes it take longer because you’re focusing on its absence and how hard it is to get there.

Instead, Abe suggested that the woman was deserving of a rather strong voice of appreciation for her ability to keep the faith that she would become a mother, for maintaining her strong desire, and for reveling in her well-being and what was going right for her throughout the process.

Abe said, “When there is an absence of something in your life, it is imperative that you let go of that awareness that it’s absent.  Instead, go to the essence of why you want it, which is not absent.”

I have an abundance of why I want a baby, and more than one baby.  I know I’ll be a great mom.  I know I’ll have amazing kids who help me appreciate even more deeply all the simple beauty that life has to offer.  I know my kids will teach me a great deal.  I know I have lots to pass down from generations who taught me.  I want to be part of a family unit that all lives in one house.  I want to sit around a table and hear little people tell me about their day and ask me questions until I am tired from answering them.  I want to experience a full-term pregnancy, giving birth to a human being, hearing them cry for the first time, holding their warm little body for the first time, seeing the look on their daddy’s face when they come into the world, counting their toes and fingers and checking to see if they have the Boyle nose or the Bell pinkies, riding in the car with them for the first time to take them home, and getting home, realizing that I have a baby – for real – for good – and it’s mine, ours.  I can go on and on with the whys.  Think kindergarten, siblings, Christmas mornings, teachable moments for me and for them, co-parenting, watching our parents enjoy them, first steps, first words, really cute phrases, stages and phases that make me pull my hair out, wee hours up feeding – just me and the baby.  Think neat projects, helping them learn to be independent, learn to fail, learn to learn.  Think proud milestones and moments I want to protect them and take over, but I know I have to let them figure it out and grow.  Think dates, first drives in the car, dances, fights over curfew, back-talking, off to college, weddings and grandkids, and watching them do it all over again.  Think being proud of the human beings I helped guide into this world with my husband.  Really, I could do this all day.  I’ve had it suggested that maybe I want to be a mom for the wrong reasons…do those sound like the wrong reasons to you?  I don’t think Universe judges that anyway, it just knows the core reasons for your desire and it helps if you do, too.

I laughed when Abe said,

Your vortex (where all of your joy is, where you are when you feel at peace, in flow, in bliss) is pregnant with your desire.  Would you like to see the ultrasound?  There is a gestation period, and that gives you time to get in alignment with your desire.  In other words, appreciation in advance not only equals manifestation of your desire, but happiness now, happiness now.

I haven’t blogged in a while because I have wanted to stop banging the drum of the story that’s been built of “what I’ve been through.”  I’m tired of telling it myself.  I’m tired of living it.  I know that continuing to beat that drum just drums up more of the same, even if it feels good to commiserate with other women who’ve been through what I’ve been through and find out what finally worked for them, to grieve when it’s necessary and as it comes up, to have the occasional temper tantrum, and to fulfill my fact-finding nature by reading articles and studies about fertility topics.  Sometimes those things have a time and place and are useful.

I believe I can tell the story from a place of appreciation.  Flow.  Happiness now.  

What I need is for you to help me.  From now on, I want to hear you bang the drum on what went RIGHT for you in having babies, without the prelude of what you might have gone through or what your sister-in-law or best friend’s cousin went through.  I want to focus on what worked for you, what’s working for me, and what’s already present that is good.

I pass on horror stories, what didn’t work for you, and suggestions about what I may not be doing right to make this happen or what I need to accept or release or do to make it happen.  I know you mean well, but please keep those things to yourself.

My strong voice of appreciation is built on anatomy that works in both my body and my husband’s, appropriate hormone levels, beautiful follicles, plentiful counts, best-rated physicians and staff, a supportive family and group of friends, knowing what it feels like to be pregnant and in expectation of a little person to be added to our lives, plentiful resources to provide for treatments by experts, enough desire for a thousand mommies, preparation that has been done, and faith that it is coming.  They are coming.  They are on their way.  My children are coming in right time.

Thank you for your support and help with banging this new drum.


{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Lynn October 3, 2012 at 9:29 am

I’ll start! Even though it wasn’t time when it wasn’t time for me….when it WAS time, I had three easy pregnancies, three easy labors, and three beautiful babies.

And you’re right…your babies are on the way to you!! And you’re going to be a fabulous mommy.


Dana Boyle October 3, 2012 at 9:30 am

I love that, Lynn! Thank you for banging the appreciation drum with me. xo


Steph BC October 3, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Bang, bang, bang – I have carried 3 beautiful baby boys to full term, breast fed all 3 and they have grown up to be very healthy young men. They have put me through trials and tribulations that I wouldn’t have changed for the world (in hindsight!!!) and have and continue to teach me so much.
My ‘middle one’ turns 20 tomorrow (4 October), so the day I gave birth to him seems so long ago now but I still remember vividly the wonderful ‘pop’ of my waters breaking and 3 minutes later my baby boy was in my arms. I now also have 2 wonderful foster sons as well, and a healthy grandson who came into this world without too much issue.

One of the very best bits……….has to be Christmas morning when they get up and all the presents are under the tree – we still won’t put any under there until Santa has been :)

Dana you are right – your babies ARE on their way and you are going to make the most fantastic awesome mom xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


Dana Boyle October 3, 2012 at 3:51 pm

You rock, Steph! 3 minutes and you had a baby??? Wow!

And so many boys. How wonderful is that? You are so blessed.

Thank you for banging on the appreciation drum with me here. xo


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